Day 23

<- Tuesday's Food Log

Woke up to a hot flash this morning. That hasn't happened in a while. I know I ate badly last night - nuts and dried fruit are yummy but it's just too many calories as a snack that late. I hate this teeter totter of emotion; wanting these products to work has added stress and it shouldn't. I guess that's what comes from years of dieting and failing - I need to learn to trust. On a lighter note, I received my first CNI cheque yesterday, that was nice! Another good work out this morning; shooting right after my walk really gets the sweat flowing, especially on a warm morning.

Breakfast: The southern greens in my smoothie this morning were bitter and the Lean made a nice balance of flavour. (I made a double batch so that I had dessert ready to go in the fridge.) Lunch was at Wendy's; I had forgotten I had a date today. My friend was so sweet, telling me she could see the difference in my face and form, and that I should keep using the Core4 because it was working for me. Also, the long shorts I wore and expected to be loose, were also longer! So I must be smaller around, no? All in all, some positive feedback today for the program. Still eating at night, I need to figure out why. I might not be getting enough calories in during the day, maybe I'll track that tomorrow to see.

3 Weeks on Core4 : Day 22

<- Monday's Food Log

198.2 :: As anticipated I woke up in a better mood this morning. While not happy with the number I saw on the scale, only half a pound lighter than day one, my inches are still gone, that wasn't a fluke. Encouraged, I decided to do all my measurements this morning and I'm down 12.1 inches since I last measured; I wish I had done this on day 1 and not just my hourglass measurements so I would know how many have come off recently. But I did just notice my thighs being thinner this week when wearing shorts this past weekend so that is recent, and the same with my arms looking better and my tops being looser through the shoulders. Also, per the scale I am down a full percentage point now from 47% to 46% in body fat. So I really am converting fat to lean muscle.

I am not going to let the craziness of my eating these past few weeks continue, I guess the mental shift from 'eating for nutrition' to 'needing to lose weight' was too much for my psyche to handle. So this morning I am back to eating for health, and letting the Core4 products just be a companion to my normal regime. No more focusing on losing weight, that has never worked for me and I know that. I guess my brain is so hard wired for how to act while 'losing weight' that I reverted to old behaviors (crazy!) This morning I can see that for what it was and get back to my healthy habits. Part of the idea behind using the Core4 products is that you add them to what you normally do, and there has been very little 'normal' about the way I have been eating these past three weeks. Despite my subcouncious effort to sabotage myself I am still able to report some good results, and I feel positive about the upcoming week. I'm also going to try and use the Lean as a meal replacement each day instead of as a supplemental snack, and not stress so much about how often I use my Cheat.

Update: Well, good intentions aside, I found myself eating this evening. This is discouraging since that is one of the bad habits I thought I had overcome. But the reality is that I didn't get in enough nutrition, and that is when the uncontrollable eating happens. I absolutely need to start my day with a green smoothie, and have my salad at lunch so that my body isn't craving nutrients come evening time.

Day 21

<- Sunday's Food Log

Yesterday wore me out, but if it hadn't been so hot today I would be up to doing more. I was out early to walk with Kaylee and water the garden. Then after breakfast caught up the kitchen. But just watched TV and played on the computer most of the afternoon with the house closed up and the A\C running. More bored than anything else, I inhaled the french fries my honey had not eaten from his fast food lunch; why did I do that?

It was a relief to get out of the house when my daughter called asking if I could go watch the baby while they ran an errand; I had just wolfed down two tomato sandwiches using the left over hamburger buns from earlier in the week - I haven't binged like that in longer than I can remember. (Of course I haven't brought a whole package of buns into the house in probably a year either, WTH?) But that diversion, as wonderful as it always is to see the baby, wasn't even a safe escape from myself; while the baby napped I found some more carbs to snack on - what the heck was going on today? I haven't riffled through a cupboard looking for food in a really long time; I'm just some sort of animal today.

And then I still wanted to eat once I was home and it was after 8pm. I just don't eat compulsively at night anymore like that, and I feel like I am a different person today, someone I thought I had said goodbye to; someone I didn't ever want to see again. I ate more refined carbs today than I normally do in months, I am just disgusted and don't even want to get on the scale tomorrow. I spent the last year striving to eat for nutrition and today was if all those months hadn't existed at all. My carefully developed inner peace had somehow been shattered and I realized late in the day that my 'mad at the universe' mentality had crept back in. How did I let that happen? Have I let this 'month trial' that I am on change me? I leave for bed more depressed than I've been in a long time. I know I will feel differently in the morning, and find a way to put a positive slant on everything - that's what I do, play the Pollyanna game - but tonight I just feel like I am failing all over again.

Day 20

<- Saturday's Food Log

I was up early making breakfast to eat on the go while we drove to Sacramento for an archery shoot. I couldn't seem to pass up ordering a biscuit from fast food when my honey got his breakfast - sort of a palate cleanser between toothpaste and smoothie. Then since lunch was paid for as part of the entry fee, I ate more crap I shouldn't have. Then on the way home ... I'm so easily corrupted; my honey wanted ice cream and he got no argument from me! Three hours of shooting in 100 degree weather, sweating in the sun the last hour, always makes me feel like I deserve a treat :)

And then arriving home to 105 degree weather, we ordered in pizza for dinner. Could this day have been more of a food fiasco? I will make different choices when we go back to shoot next weekend - days like this cannot be excuses to indulge in gluttony. Yuck. I did use all my products today, but still - I feel so overfed and undernourished and I hate that feeling. Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins, right?

Day 18

<- Friday's Food Log

Felt great this morning, but got busy fast and forgot breakfast. I indulged in a single sample bite of lemon tart at Trader Joe's when I was out shopping. I also picked up some veggie burgers (too many big mac commercials lately) and made a wonderful sandwich for lunch. SO YUMMY! Had the baby again this afternoon so kept busy and caught up on exercise in the evening, which is fine on a day in the 90's. I made sure I got in some raw greens at dinner while the baby napped - what a workout she is! I almost skipped my bike ride she wore me out so much, but wanted to get in the aerobics so forced myself out the front door. Thank heavens for audio books, they are often the deciding factor when it comes to whether I exercise or not. I forgot to update my food journal, but I rode 2.6 miles in a good time and can feel my bike legs returning after only a few rides. Muscles are amazing when you give them a chance!

Day 17

<- Thursday's Food Log

Swollen again this morning, but today's water & sweat should take care of that. I forgot about eating the Cheetos yesterday, no wonder! I had a great workout this morning, doing my shooting\push-ups circuit right after walking.

Sometimes cleaning out the fridge is a great way to create a new salad and lunch was delicious, crunchy and satisfying. I wasn't that hungry and I saved half my morning smoothie to use with some Lean in the afternoon; quick and easy.

Then, since they recommend using the Lean twice a day (at least one of them a meal replacement) I decided to make another shake for dinner. So delicious, and pumped up with extra antioxidants from the cacao. This worked out perfect since I needed to go grocery shopping and the fridge is looking pretty bare. Murphy's Law being what it is, my honey then whipped up some spicy rice & sausage and it smelled so wonderful I had a small bowl; perfect time for some Cheat! It had been a while since I had eaten any meat (and this was pretty rich) and my tummy was a little upset for a bit, but some sleepy time tea helped settle things down.

Oh, I keep forgetting to mention, I love opening the bottle of Flush at night - it has a wonderful scent of India; cinnamon and 'curry' aromas are so comforting to me.

Day 16

<- Wednesday's Food Log

Another warm day, but I was prepared and Kaylee & I took our walk early before the heat set in. I noticed that my shadow is slimmer :) A drive into Hayward reminded me why I don't want a 9-5 job or a commute; I could feel myself getting smaller and darker and withdrawing from joy. Then a wonderful afternoon with my granddaughter, which meant I missed my shooting, but it was worth it. We had so much fun; she is so active now pulling herself up on everything, laughing with me and really engaging in back and forth play.

I made an easy dinner since I had the baby, but I feel bad not getting my quota of raw veggies in today. The Lean is suppose to eliminate carb cravings, so why do I seem to be eating more of them? I have let the products change the way I was eating and I need to get back to my good nutrition. Probably a mental break in discipline and somewhere my primitive brain is giving me permission to just EAT, since after all, I'm using weight loss products. Wrong thinking, I need to get past that.

And thank heavens it's cooling off tonight, I hate having the AC running. One last note, my go-to 'nice' tank top that I put on to wear to my EDD meeting is loose in the shoulders, and the shorts I put on this afternoon are baggy in the leg. I didn't measure there when I started, guess I should have! I'm still feeling swollen, and I didn't add salt to anything yesterday so this is wierd. I think I will make sure I get in some extra water and really sweat tomorrow to see if I can't make this go away.